Hey there, it's been a while...

I don't even know why I'm writing this...

Then again I'm not even completely sure why I'm upset.

No, maybe I am.

Where has my love gone?

In a month he'll be leaving and I don't know how I feel about that.

Sad, yes.

But maybe I'm not so sad that he's leaving than I am about him leaving without my love for him still remaining here with me.

Okay, now I know I didn't word that right, but I could care less right now. This whole blog will end up being like that tonight, sorry.

Wait, just who am I apologizing to?

Ugh. Anyways...

Where's the passion?

He used to kiss me so sweetly and now I don't feel the love emanate from our embrace.

His words come off scripted and almost hollow.

Not that I don't believe what he says, it's just they're the same that he's been saying to me for years now...

I want to hit the refresh button and start anew, but he doesn't seem to understand that.

Or at least he doesn't seem to be taking what I have to say about it seriously...

What can I do?

I don't know if there's anything I can do that would make a difference before he leaves.

If things are so stale now, how will they be when he's gone for 8 months?

Worse yet, I have no one to turn to about this stuff.

I'm afraid to talk to anyone about how I feel because I don't want them to think less of me or feel that they are superior to me. I just want someone whose shoulder I can lean on.

A friend that I can go to with all of my worries and fears...

Someone I can trust.

Sad music playing on Pandora, trying to keep my tears off of my keyboard.

I feel so ridiculous.

Stupid Ice Cream Truck.

Hi there, it's me. It sure has been a while, hasn't it? We've got a good bit of catching up to do, I suppose. But let's not do that now. I'd rather sit back, relax, and just type up a random blog like I'm used to. Anywho, things have been well.

Today is a windy day, I've got the sliding door open and I feel the breeze on my shoulder. If this were December or January, I'd probably make a comment to gist of; "Hey there, Jack..." or "How's it going Mr. Frost?" or some other cliche that you often hear in commercials on ABC advertising their "25 Days of Christmas" special. But it's nowhere near that time of year, just yet.

It's springtime. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I can hear an ice cream truck on it's way through the neighborhood. The same route it takes just like every other day. Stupid ice cream truck. It's not even a truck, it's a van. A big one. The kind you'd be better off spraying "FREE CANDY!" on the side of. I'm being serious, it's just a white van with a few ice cream stickers on the side. I've never even seen it stop, not once. It's kind of creepy actually. I remember about a month back, I had some friends visiting me from Georgia. They were in the living room with me when all of a sudden I heard that familiar song and I knew he was coming. I had to show them, I just had to! I jumped up from the couch and ran to the porch, I called my friends over and we watched him drive past my house. To my surprise, he rolled the window down and greeted us with a smile and wave. He didn't seem to be that much older than us, either. I think that added to the creepiness.

As soon as the van rounded the corner of another building we all busted out laughing. It was quite an experience. One that I look back on from time to time... okay, only sometimes. I'm not old enough to be sounding like this... But I guess that's just me, I've always had that sentimental air about most things life. I like to remember. I hate to forget. Even some of the silliest memories, I cherish with all my heart. I wish, I wish. With all my heart... to fly with dragons in a land- ... Okay, we're so NOT doing that! But it was amusing.

I think I'll sign off for now, I've got things to do. Well, not really. But isn't that what you're supposed to say when you're done with something? I guess not. I don't really know how to finish this blog, I think I'll just end it here before I start rambling along about some other memory I have. Ooh, like that one time I got arrested for playing on the sidewalk with chalk and then-... Maybe some other time... ;)

Hello, my name is...

Lonely.
It's nice to meet you.

Okay, I realize this is sort of cliche.
But I'm feeling a tad lonely today.

No offense to anyone who might read this blog, you know who you are.
But getting to spend time with friends just makes me realize how often I'm by myself these days, and honestly it sucks.
:/

I don't like being by myself, it gives me a lot of time to think and I do too much of that already.

I know that 'being alone' is something that can't always be helped, I came to that conclusion a long time ago.
It just doesn't help me feel any better about it.

Oh, well.
There's not much I can do about it.
Aside from the obvious, today was a lot of fun. :)

I got to play tennis and cook dinner for my friends, it was only Hamburger Helper but it still counts!
:P

I'm not a big fan of jealousy, I try not to show it when I can.
But I want to inspire something, something fun.
Something pretty, something laughably cute.
Idk.

It's silly, I know.
But I like getting attention sometimes, I can't help it.
I may have been the oldest child, but I've always felt some sort of longing for the spotlight.
I guess that's why I love acting so much, and color guard.

Now don't get me wrong.
I'm not one of those bratty prima-donna types that has to have everything her way...
Albeit I am a bit of a control-freak with some obsessive compulsive habits.
What I mean is that I understand that some things don't always go the way you want them to, no matter how much planning you might put into them.

Life, can be very frustrating.
But it's worth all the stress.

I'm glad that my friends are in town.
It's nice having someone come down to see me, even if it is only indirectly.
At least they're here, for now.

I'll have to make...
No, I'm going to make the best of this.
All of this.

Every single situation, good or bad.
I'm going to make the best of it.
:)

Anywho, it's getting late.
Or early, I should say.
Lol.
I should head off to bed now.
Maybe tomorrow will bring more fun and wonderful memories for us to share.
:)

I hope so.
Goodnight, world.
See you tomorrow.

You remember those boots?

The ones you were so excited about getting.
The ones that you wore oh so proudly on the football field every Friday night at halftime.
The ones that when you were walking in them you couldn't have been happier.
They were the kind that made you feel like you were 6 feet tall and walking on air.

Yes, those boots.
The white ones.
With the zippers on the insides and the scuffs on the toes and heels.

The ones you loved oh so very much.
Well you tried them on today, and they don't feel so proud anymore.
It was sort of a bittersweet feeling.
The kind that aches in your stomach and gives you a lump in your throat.

I hate that feeling.
I hate this feeling.
It hurts.

Sadness, loneliness.
Whichever way you put it, it still sucks.

Secrets, Lies, and Sunshine

A secret isn't something that we keep to ourselves, it's just something that no one has asked about yet.

A lie is the make-up that we use to cover up the truth and keep it from revealing the reality that is.

"Some people may have to fade away, but it'll get better."

People don't fade away, they don't just evaporate into thin air.
You can't get rid of them.
You can merely choose to live without them, by separating your ties from them.
Halting all communication on your end and allowing theirs to die off and wither away slowly.
Like a flower.
Beautiful when first plucked, yet it slowly begins to loose its petals and leaves until there is nothing left.

You can stop talking to someone, but that doesn't mean that they will stop thinking about you.
What's the point of starting something if you never finish it?

Life takes us down many paths, some we're never meant to travel and some we were meant to.
Life is funny like that.

But I believe that no matter what happens, there is never such a thing that will truly "waste your time".
We all learn from things, all things.
Whether it's playing a new card game or making a new friend.
You can learn something new from even the most unlikely of places.

Learning equals growth, growth equals maturity.
I hate growing up.

Sometimes you have to look past the clouds to see the sunshine.
And sometimes, the sun isn't shining.
But that's okay.

Or maybe, it's not.

But the sun can't help but hide away some things, it's not her fault.
We all have something to hide.
We all have, secrets.

So, what are you going to ask about today?

Anywho, onto other matters.
So this is one of my rather "iffy" blogs. I guess I didn't really know where I was going with this. Or even what I was hoping to accomplish by writing these thoughts down.
I just felt compelled to get out of bed and write down what I was thinking.
I wanted to.
I had to.

It's as simple as that, I suppose.
Either way, there's nothing wrong with it.
It's not like anyone reads this stuff anyway.

Maybe...maybe I should write more often.
For my own benefit.
I feel a bit better now that I've gotten some of this off my chest.
Just a little.

Goodnight, World.
Sweet dreams.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Friends, Family, and Life.

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone and wondered if things would ever be the same again? Or if they'd forgive you? Well, life can be funny like that sometimes. You're great friends with a person one second and then the next things are going downhill. It can be really frustrating. I wish friends could just, stay friends. But it doesn't always work that way.

But I suppose that's just another one of life's lessons. One of the difficult ones, although they're all relatively difficult. In their own way. It's just another part of growing up.

I hate growing up.

I wish that I could just stay a little kid forever.
If I had the chance to, I'd do it all over again.
I don't feel like I did enough as a kid, I didn't enjoy it enough.
I didn't have the easiest childhood, mind you.
My parents were often fighting and I couldn't seem to stop blaming myself enough to focus on anything else. It was a bittersweet sort of thing.

But that's aside from the point. In fact, I think I've lost my point entirely.
That's okay though, I don't really need one.
I can just keep on writing and writing about absolutely anything if I want to.
Oh, and believe me.
I will.

But it's late and I suppose I should go to bed.
Although I doubt that I will.

Oh, well.
Goodnight world.
Sweet dreams.

I'll see you tomorrow.

To those of you, with broken hearts...

Just give her some time.
She has a lot going on right now, and a lot on her mind.
If you love her then wait, things will work out in time.
Do you still love her?

Falling in love is easy, falling out of love isn't.
A broken heart isn't a weakness, merely an obstacle to overcome.

You can't just give up and walk away from life.
Bad things can happen, and they will happen.
There's nothing we can do to prevent that.
But we can learn from them.

Giving your heart to someone isn't easy to do, but having them hand it back to you is even harder.
Just because one relationship doesn't work out, that doesn't mean that there won't be that 'someone just for you' waiting in the wings.

It just takes time.
You have to be patient.
Love will find it's way to you.
Sometimes in the most strangest of ways.
But love always finds a way.

So don't give up, you've got you're whole life ahead of you.