Hello, my name is...

Lonely.
It's nice to meet you.

Okay, I realize this is sort of cliche.
But I'm feeling a tad lonely today.

No offense to anyone who might read this blog, you know who you are.
But getting to spend time with friends just makes me realize how often I'm by myself these days, and honestly it sucks.
:/

I don't like being by myself, it gives me a lot of time to think and I do too much of that already.

I know that 'being alone' is something that can't always be helped, I came to that conclusion a long time ago.
It just doesn't help me feel any better about it.

Oh, well.
There's not much I can do about it.
Aside from the obvious, today was a lot of fun. :)

I got to play tennis and cook dinner for my friends, it was only Hamburger Helper but it still counts!
:P

I'm not a big fan of jealousy, I try not to show it when I can.
But I want to inspire something, something fun.
Something pretty, something laughably cute.
Idk.

It's silly, I know.
But I like getting attention sometimes, I can't help it.
I may have been the oldest child, but I've always felt some sort of longing for the spotlight.
I guess that's why I love acting so much, and color guard.

Now don't get me wrong.
I'm not one of those bratty prima-donna types that has to have everything her way...
Albeit I am a bit of a control-freak with some obsessive compulsive habits.
What I mean is that I understand that some things don't always go the way you want them to, no matter how much planning you might put into them.

Life, can be very frustrating.
But it's worth all the stress.

I'm glad that my friends are in town.
It's nice having someone come down to see me, even if it is only indirectly.
At least they're here, for now.

I'll have to make...
No, I'm going to make the best of this.
All of this.

Every single situation, good or bad.
I'm going to make the best of it.
:)

Anywho, it's getting late.
Or early, I should say.
Lol.
I should head off to bed now.
Maybe tomorrow will bring more fun and wonderful memories for us to share.
:)

I hope so.
Goodnight, world.
See you tomorrow.

You remember those boots?

The ones you were so excited about getting.
The ones that you wore oh so proudly on the football field every Friday night at halftime.
The ones that when you were walking in them you couldn't have been happier.
They were the kind that made you feel like you were 6 feet tall and walking on air.

Yes, those boots.
The white ones.
With the zippers on the insides and the scuffs on the toes and heels.

The ones you loved oh so very much.
Well you tried them on today, and they don't feel so proud anymore.
It was sort of a bittersweet feeling.
The kind that aches in your stomach and gives you a lump in your throat.

I hate that feeling.
I hate this feeling.
It hurts.

Sadness, loneliness.
Whichever way you put it, it still sucks.

Secrets, Lies, and Sunshine

A secret isn't something that we keep to ourselves, it's just something that no one has asked about yet.

A lie is the make-up that we use to cover up the truth and keep it from revealing the reality that is.

"Some people may have to fade away, but it'll get better."

People don't fade away, they don't just evaporate into thin air.
You can't get rid of them.
You can merely choose to live without them, by separating your ties from them.
Halting all communication on your end and allowing theirs to die off and wither away slowly.
Like a flower.
Beautiful when first plucked, yet it slowly begins to loose its petals and leaves until there is nothing left.

You can stop talking to someone, but that doesn't mean that they will stop thinking about you.
What's the point of starting something if you never finish it?

Life takes us down many paths, some we're never meant to travel and some we were meant to.
Life is funny like that.

But I believe that no matter what happens, there is never such a thing that will truly "waste your time".
We all learn from things, all things.
Whether it's playing a new card game or making a new friend.
You can learn something new from even the most unlikely of places.

Learning equals growth, growth equals maturity.
I hate growing up.

Sometimes you have to look past the clouds to see the sunshine.
And sometimes, the sun isn't shining.
But that's okay.

Or maybe, it's not.

But the sun can't help but hide away some things, it's not her fault.
We all have something to hide.
We all have, secrets.

So, what are you going to ask about today?

Anywho, onto other matters.
So this is one of my rather "iffy" blogs. I guess I didn't really know where I was going with this. Or even what I was hoping to accomplish by writing these thoughts down.
I just felt compelled to get out of bed and write down what I was thinking.
I wanted to.
I had to.

It's as simple as that, I suppose.
Either way, there's nothing wrong with it.
It's not like anyone reads this stuff anyway.

Maybe...maybe I should write more often.
For my own benefit.
I feel a bit better now that I've gotten some of this off my chest.
Just a little.

Goodnight, World.
Sweet dreams.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Friends, Family, and Life.

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone and wondered if things would ever be the same again? Or if they'd forgive you? Well, life can be funny like that sometimes. You're great friends with a person one second and then the next things are going downhill. It can be really frustrating. I wish friends could just, stay friends. But it doesn't always work that way.

But I suppose that's just another one of life's lessons. One of the difficult ones, although they're all relatively difficult. In their own way. It's just another part of growing up.

I hate growing up.

I wish that I could just stay a little kid forever.
If I had the chance to, I'd do it all over again.
I don't feel like I did enough as a kid, I didn't enjoy it enough.
I didn't have the easiest childhood, mind you.
My parents were often fighting and I couldn't seem to stop blaming myself enough to focus on anything else. It was a bittersweet sort of thing.

But that's aside from the point. In fact, I think I've lost my point entirely.
That's okay though, I don't really need one.
I can just keep on writing and writing about absolutely anything if I want to.
Oh, and believe me.
I will.

But it's late and I suppose I should go to bed.
Although I doubt that I will.

Oh, well.
Goodnight world.
Sweet dreams.

I'll see you tomorrow.